7/6 - Today, We Dance

It comes to mind that if I am to be sad about Kilians death, depressed, in mourning, negative - that's reflection he casts. And thats not truth. Kilian was none of those things. He was happiness, and adventure, and excitement, and a love story. I am drowning who he was in my tears, and I just can't let that happen. I love him too much.

So today, we dance.

I have a Bluetooth speaker I keep in the kitchen on top of the refrigerator. We do a lot of dancing in this kitchen, and a lot of 'crank it loud'. As you can imagine, there has been little music playing these days. All the way back to my pregnancy. In fact, that speaker wasn't even down stairs. It sat unplugged and collecting dust upstairs in the abyss of hoarder like clutter that makes you close the door and forget it exists. Among it lie all the things I cannot find, do not want to find, and the speaker sat lonely amongst it for months.

Today, I retrieved the old girl after listening to Maren belt out my absolute favorite 'My Church' on the radio. Amelia came running in and said she liked the song and to play it again. All of a sudden I felt it.

We needed to dance. For Kilian.

I want his memory to bring positive energy, feelings of joy that carry you into a state of weightlessness, where the world seems to fade away for just a moment and you're completely infatuated in that moments contents. I want Kilian Race to forever be Kilian Race, my beacon of light and hope in times of complete darkness. I want that little boy to radiate out of my every pore and cast glow in statement of all he was. He shines. I want to let him shine. Because when you think of Kilian, you can't help but smile.

So today, we dance.